Many of us are incredibly harsh on ourselves in a way that we wouldn’t be to anyone else. People who are self-deprecating and self-critical might berate themselves if they make a mistake, or constantly compare themselves to peers who they perceive to be ‘better’ than they are. But lacking compassion for yourself is detrimental to your self-image and mental health. Practicing self-compassion can decrease anxiety and depression, improve your relationships with your loved ones, and grant you an overall greater sense of contentment. Here’s how you can start practicing self-compassion.
Accept yourself for who you are.
A common method of self-deprecation is constantly comparing yourself to the people around you. You might compare your success to someone else’s, or envy the people around you for what they have in life that you don’t. But life isn’t a competition, and your peers aren’t winning just because their circumstances are different compared to yours. Instead of looking for what you want in other people, take a moment to reflect on what you do have and what you’ve already accomplished.
Accept that failure is normal.
People often become self-critical when they feel disappointed in themselves. When you fail to do something right at school or work, it’s easy to beat yourself up over it. But it’s important to realize that failure is normal, and everyone is bound to make mistakes sometimes. After all, failure is all part of being human, and if we don’t make mistakes, we can’t improve. Instead of being harsh on yourself, treat your failure as a learning experience so that you don’t make the same mistake twice.
Treat yourself the way you would treat a loved one.
Think of how you treat yourself when you make a mistake. You might criticize yourself or even punish yourself in some way. Now think of doing exactly the same thing to a family member or a friend. Suddenly, it becomes much harder to stomach.
We often have more empathy for other people than we do for ourselves. When a loved one fails to do something, many people’s first instinct is to comfort and listen to them. One great way to start practicing more self-compassion is to treat yourself the same way you’d treat a loved one. After all, if you believe your friend or family member is deserving of compassion and understanding, then you deserve it just as much.
Take care of yourself.
One effective way to practice self-compassion is to take proper care of yourself. This means not neglecting your needs while also making sure not to overindulge. Just like in our last point, a great way to do this is by treating yourself the way you’d treat a friend or family member. Say you’re taking care of a young child. You would probably worry about his or her diet; making sure the food he/she eats is healthy, and allowing him/her the occasional treat without getting too carried away. You can apply the same train of thought when taking care of yourself. Do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy, happy, and fulfilled, without necessarily spoiling yourself.
Don’t get frustrated if it doesn’t happen right away.
Self-deprecation is a hard habit to break. Changing your previous way of thinking can’t happen overnight. After all, you’d be completely overhauling your mindset, and that may take months or years of working on yourself. But one of the first steps of becoming more self-compassionate is to be gentle on your own progress. Acknowledging that self-compassion is a journey on its own is already a huge step forward.
You certainly have a tough journey ahead of you, but learning self-compassion can be one of the best things you can do for yourself. You’ll surely be able to reach that point with enough patience and hard work.